ADDRESS TO PARLIAMENT - STATEMENTS BY MEMBERS - Melbourne Cup

Starters are locked away for the 2024 Melbourne Cup of politics! Election promises—scratched! The Greens are fractious in the stalls and appear unwilling to race! The field is now settled. The gates crash back, and they're off! The Greens head sharp left and burst through the fence and right off the course! The teals, still awaiting collective instructions from stable owner Simon Holmes a Court, have not left the barriers! Punters had faith in Labor, but, in the early stages, it's living up to the name of the former cup winner Windbag! The punters' former favourite, the Prime Minister, is losing ground, with the cost of living 'rising fast'! The Treasurer, who only thinks of his 'might and power', is proving 'what a nuisance' he can be! He's all over the track! Anyone can win from here! It's a real 'media puzzle'! Australians are starting to 'vow and declare' that Labor is giving up 'without a fight'—'shocking'! Around the home turn, it's the coalition making 'just a dash'! Labor's gone for the whip, but to no avail! In the straight, we see flight upgrades now being called upon! You can't rely on interest rates! New homes—nowhere to be seen! Immigration is making a mighty rush! High energy costs—charging ahead! Grocery prices can't continue! Economic confidence has fallen! And just listen to the crowd! The coalition now has its nose in front! How 'Tawrrific' is that? Labor has given up in the shadows of the post! The Speaker looms down the outside, and here comes question time! Neck and neck, stride for stride—the fast-finishing coalition and question time! Speaker, what a finish! The Speaker!